What is the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

A boy tells his mom that he seen a boy & a girl sitting at the top of the roof & kissing. Then his mom tell him that they are gonna get married. Then the boy asks his mom: When is dad gonna marry the maid?

A French in a hotel in NY, phoned room service for some pepper.
Attendant: Black pepper or white pepper?
French: Toilette pepper!

Several women appeared in court, each accusing the other of the trouble in the flat where they lived. The judge called for orderly testimony. "I'll hear the oldest first," he decreed. The case was closed for lack of evidence.

A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.

I'm no Edward Cullen, he's just your fantasy i'm your dream come true. lol love you babe!

Don't worry about me, i'm a trooper. And you're not even the kind that shakes me. So don't give yourself that much credit.

Feelings, you're so full of feelings. You're wearing them like earrings, all over your face.

Morse code turns me on, and off, and on, and off, and ON!

If your girlfriend is horny at breakfast, feed her grits!!!!