Dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off

I don't like small birds. They hop around so merrily on my bedroom window, so innocent. But I secretly know, that they're watching my every move. Plotting to hit me over the head with a large steel pipe and steal my shoe.

THERE ONCE WAS A MAN FROM LEEDS
WHO SWALLOWED A PACKET OF SEEDS
TUFFS OF GRASS
GREW OUT OF HIS AR*E
SO HE TURNED IN TO A PACKEET OF WEEDS

Be a smart girl,
Live at your ease,
Get a rich husband,
and do as you please!

-do you believe in love at first sight or do you need me to pass by again?

Don't ride the brown eyed pony!!

*if you dont' get this ur a idiot but it's sayin don't be gay! lol*

Sex is like a game of bridge, if you havent got a good partner... then you need a damn good hand

"Im sorry, ... am I giving you mixed signals??

It means that I don't want you, I am just too hesitant to tell you"

FRIENDS ARE LIKE CONDEMS BECAUSE THEY PROTECT YOU WHEN THINGS GET HARD!!

Love is like heaven.......but can hurt like hell