Guy: "You hit me in the mouth with the remote."
Girl: "You broke my heart twice."
Guy: "Ok. We're even."

Having the love of your life break up with you and say, "We can still be friends." is like your dog dieing and your mom saying, "You can still keep it."

When Life hands you lemons make lemonade or....................................................................... GRAB THE TEQUILA AND SALT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Now that\'s a motto 2 live by!*

He met a lady while browsing. She unzipped his dotcom when downloading. Since he was virus free he slotted his floppydisk into her hotmail she screamed yahoo!

Im all alone.
I wish you were here.
In my shower...
With the hot water running...
So i could show you my
WATER-PROOF WATCH!!!
-wat did you think you little pervert?!?!?!

Jack and jill
went up the hill
to smoke some marijuana
jack got high
unzipped his fly
and then said do you wanna
jill said yes
took off her dress
and then they had some fun
stupid jill forgot the pill
and now they have a son

Kisses blown are kisses wasted...
kisses aren't kisses unless they're tasted...
kisses spread germs, and germs are hated...
so kiss me baby...
i'm vaccinated!

My mom asked me, "if they jumped off a bridge would you do it too?" i always reply, "Pssh no, i'd be the one who came up with the idea."

Lady 1: did u miss your husband after he was murdered?

lady 2: well it was a matter of life after death....he died and i had a life.

[[sexx at nightt]] iis so overrated. everyone knows most girls lose their virginity in the [[supply closet]]