"I may be bad, but I'm perfectly good at it."

Doctor: Contrary to popular belief, what happens in Vegas, DOESN'T stay in Vegas. You have herpes.

Q: Why are hurricanes normally named after women?

A: When they come, they are wild and wet. When they go,
they take your house and car with them.

I like to tell people that i cannot answer any questions cuase i don't know anything!

They say the truth will set you free. Then how come everytime I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?

Stop playing hard to get. It looks stupid on you.

Love is another way of saying inside "Damn I just want to screw you"

-playing tennis-
him: *hits her in the boob*
her: omg! ouch! *pulls down shirt* you didn't even leave a mark!
him: there was nothing to leave a mark on..

haha
actually happened
dayyum i hate her too

If Cinderella’s glass slipper fit so perfectly…
I wonder why it fell off along the way?
I can’t help but think that it was on purpose, to attract the prince’s affections....
tst tsk tsk
old flirting style....

"Some say that girls like a**h**es. This is untrue. Girls like guys and it's just that the majority of them are a**h**es."