If first you dont Succeed F%CK the world and smoke some weed

The doctor told me to watch my drink..... so i found a bar with a mirror.

When i said id hit that.....

i meant with my car!

(not mine)

A wise monkey never monkeys around with another monkey's monkey.

Guy: So... my place or yours
Girl: Both, you will go to yours and ill go to mine

Bi is the best to be.. cause you've got all the fish in the sea..

I'm so hungry I'd sell my grandmother for a tic-tac

Peeing yourself is like a friendship.
Everyone can see it but only you can feel the warmth it brings =]

A French in a hotel in NY, phoned room service for some pepper.
Attendant: Black pepper or white pepper?
French: Toilette pepper!

My friend:I'm still hungry
Me: Gosh bre your never satisfied are you.
My friend: Yeah thats what she said last night...
Me: HAHA OOOOO!