When Time Frowns

by Lonely Rider   May 26, 2011


Silver rime
on moments, once sublime
flickering across purple twilight,

Stale promises piled 'neath a melancholic night,
faceless voices rejoicing an eclipsed moon's plight

in solitude, a distant dawn drowns
life drapes an old hag's gown,
when time frowns.

Form : Trois-par-Huit

Trois-par-Huit (Three-by-Eight or Octa-Tri for short), a poem containing three stanzas of 3, 3 and 2 lines OR 3, 2 and 3 lines: 8 lines total with a syllable count of 3, 6, 9, 12, 12, 9, 6, 3. The rhyming pattern is AAB BBC CC where the last line is the title of the poem and summarizes the meaning of the poem. *Note: These poems are to appear center aligned.

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Latest Comments

  • 14 years ago

    by Jenna Bella Oldridge

    I feel you did really well with this piece it was short but said a lot. It deserves every comment it gets

    loved it

    5/5

  • 14 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    This is a very well written Trois-par-Huit

  • 14 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    A beautifully sad poem. Loved this very much. Stale promises and time frowning - awesome. Excellent ideas you have here. Congrats on your win!

  • 14 years ago

    by Sincuna

    Beautiful write and interesting form. :)

    Impressive.

    just optional suggestiosn:

    I'd probably change "across" with "beneath" in this way, the image of rime and purple twilight is better "imagined".

    That's all really. And maybe just the title and final line. "When time frowns" does seem forced overall the poem. I didn't expect that conclusion after the imagery you've formed in the piece. But that's not so hard to fix really.

    Good job.

  • 14 years ago

    by Jad

    I have actually never heard of this style of poetry but I think I am going to get my hands a little dirty and pick up my pen! :D Anyway, your poem was full of emotions that are flowing throughout the poem in a sad tone and also your imagery in this poem is a gripping one as I got plenty of vividness throughout the poem. The rhyming was good as well and the poem flowed really good as well.

    In all, this poem was really a creative story that has many different thoughts drifting across what you can take from this poem. I loved the message and also the emotions you poured into this poem! You are a very talented writer and I hope you continue to write more poems that portray your talent. Great job and keep writing!

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