Sculpt

by IdTakeABulletForYou   Sep 2, 2016


Age cannot be bartered:
time's earned and it is lost.
We learn throughout the ages that our lives will be the cost.
A dark demise awaiting at the end of this long walk;
whilst edging closer, we will cower
knowing we're prey being stalked.

A fear that's first a seedling blooms into eternal rage
aware that after these few lines there will not be another page.
Eternity exists aplenty, but it turns us all away.
To Darkness we will all surrender.
Darkness always gets its way.

We prescribe a pretty pittance to the sins we all avoid
in thinking it will help prevent our souls from entering the void,
yet deep inside, the dreams we make we know exist just in our head
and at the end of this long voyage...? A long, lost friend instead.

You'll never live forever,
what a nightmare that would be:
Life, death, rinse and then repeat,
chained to eternity.
A prisoner, both you and I;
the whips we fail to see.
To Darkness we will all surrender.
Darkness always chases me.

Aware how futile running is, my soul shall stand its ground.
I resonate my fears in silence, hoping I will not be found.
I tremble, nearing Darkness, but it greets me like a friend,
and like each verse I sculpt by hand, each life will always meet its end.

IdTakeABulletForYou

7


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Latest Comments

  • 3 years ago

    by Milly Hayward

    Wow... That first stanza is so compelling
    the rhyming is excellent as is the imagery.
    "Age cannot be bartered, time is earned and it is lost"
    powerful and true
    We learn through the agest that our lives will be the cost
    the cost of our lives is time
    the idea of life as a walk with death stalking us is dark
    and delicious at the same time.
    What a truly imaginative way of portraying life and death

    Second stanza
    Again reviewing life and death but this time as a lines
    on a page. with the final line linking with the first
    stanza (dark demise waiting) darkness always gets its way
    beautifully written.

    Third Stanza

    covering the attitude we have to sins and then the thoughts
    that actually living forever would be a nightmare. To be chained
    to eternity and yet still the darkness always chases.

    It is interesting that when we are young we want to live for ever
    but as we become more worldly and see life for what it is we realise
    that actually living for ever wouldnt be a desirable thing because all
    that we love dies not just people but memories, places things. Everything
    changes and evolves and as humans our minds dont so easily evolve with change.

    Last Stanza

    The acceptance that fighting the inevitable is futile. I love the last two lines
    I tremble, nearing Darkness, but it greets me like a friend
    and like each verse I sculp by hand each life will always meet its end"

    a truly beautiful poem that captures the very essence of life, living and death.

  • 3 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Hello Stephen, I hope you are keeping well.

    This is an excellent and thoughtful piece that really got me thinking. Your writing always has something thoughtful to say and regularly makes me question as I am reading, which I love.
    My only slight niggle with this is the massive difference in syllables between the lines. I am often guilty of spending too much time trying to stick to a syllable count and then forgetting the content, so I don't believe there has to be set syllable count in a poem, but I do think that, should the differences be too great, the flow can trip a little here and there.

    A dark demise awaiting at the end of this long walk;
    whilst edging closer, we will cower
    knowing we're prey being stalked

    ^^

    This bit particularly stood out.

    What about
    'whilst edging closer, we will cower -
    prey that's being stalked'.

    Just a suggestion and either way, another wonderful write.

    SL

  • 3 years ago

    by Golden AnGel Rhapsodist

    Hi

    ***** stars for this excellently written piece.

    "here's my suggestion"

    We prescribe a pretty pittance to the sins we all avoid
    in thinking (put a , here) it will help prevent our souls from entering the void,
    yet deep inside, the dreams we make we know exist just in our head
    and at the end of this
    (remove "long" because voyage means a long travel already)long voyage...?

    (and you used it again here-->)A long, lost friend instead.

    ----so it can be like this if you consider---->
    (3rd stanza 2nd line)

    In thinking,it will help prevent our

    (3rd stanza last line)

    And at the end of this voyage?
    A long,lost friend instead.

    But this is truly a wonderful piece. good job.
    5/5

    Gel

  • 3 years ago

    by Brenda

    Stephen, what a wonderfully written piece! So very sad but a lot of food for thought. We are always struggling with time and lack of it and bartering with time we have left and time we have wasted. Does the darkness always have to win? I know I don't want to live forever but I don't like to think that when I go that darkness will be my only passenger, I fight that battle every day.
    Your write was beautifully done, flowed wonderfully. Glad to see you writing, it has been missed. Take care-

  • 3 years ago

    by deeplydesturbed

    We prescribe a pretty pittance to the sins we all avoid
    in thinking it will help prevent our souls from entering the void,
    yet deep inside, the dreams we make we know exist just in our head
    and at the end of this long voyage...? A long, lost friend instead.

    This is wow !! Just so true! What a sad but beautifully correct piece. Well done