A very fun piece Milly and I miss your humor very much! I actually laughed aloud to this...maybe because I can relate to the temptation and of course you have written it so well, it's like I can see all the food in front of me! I think I am going to have a blast as well. Really enjoyed reading.
Thanks Mel really glad it made you laugh. It's one of life's joys to inject humour. Best wishes Milly x
4 months ago
The title is perfect because it goes with the poem well, and for my money there could not have been a more perfect title. the reason I nominated this is because I can connect to this well. The message of the poem to me is about finding comfort in food that is unhealthy, but is delicious to ones taste buds. I love how you wrote the story though because you almost see a downward spiral for this person ( not really in a bad way though). You have hope and determination in the first line in the first stanza but after that, you start to realize that this person finds being on a diet very difficult, so they give into their cravings and comfort and eat what they wish to. I think going deeper into the meaning of the poem, this person finds change difficult (and this thought is why I connect to it so much). Even being pushed out of your comfort zone is scary.
There are a lot of points where I stumbled reading the poem, because I personally feel there are too many commas with the poem itself, and I always like to see a poem be more free flowing, especially when it is a longer poem. I am going to point out where I think there doesn't need to be a comma.
First stanza first and third lines, would read better without the commas, because I don't think you need the start and stops there.
Third stanza I don't think you need any of the commas there.
Fourth stanza first line- I don't think you need the last comma, but the first two commas can stay because you are breaking up different words. Third line I don't think you need the comma.
There are no other glaring issues here imo. This is a well written poem.
Thanks Jamie.. Really appreciate your in-depth feedback and the nomination. I wasn't sure about the commas either so have now taken them out :) It's always difficult when your faced with the tough choice of enforced calorie control and there is rabbit food versus delicious mouth watering food that you really like. Thanks again best wishes Milly x