Selfish

I wanted to be selfish.
To fall to my knees, entangle our fingers,
To spill begging words and tears to the floor.
I wanted to, with an intensity so electric.
But what is good for one is not always for two.
I could not be selfish;
I mustn’t.
I could not ask you to play the part,
To be a character in my life for my benefit,
Or put focus meant for other things on me.
I could not ask you to carry me whilst you drown.
I could not be another one of them to you.
You deserve so much more.

Despite my desire to love you and its depths,
I do not wish to shackle you to me,
To become your ball and chain.
I do not want your love for me to feel a chore.
Love does not grow in forced light;
It burns, it torches, it deepens wounds.
I do not want to become a scar.

I want to teach you to fly, to soar freely.
To love without reservation despite fear,
To see the beauty that I do in you.
I want you at my side.
Your hand laced within mine,
Painting new stories over old pains,
Guiding each other into levels of love unknown.
Whenever willing, whenever ready.

I wanted to be selfish.
But I couldn’t.
I won’t.