A heart lost at sea.

by Poet on the Piano   Sep 20, 2022


His name is J and I don't know him well.
His existence in my dream may be a
completely different one than how he
acts in real life.

We are walking in the same corridor,
the community pool open to us past
midnight, lanterns illuminating the
still waters.

I settle close to the deep end,
keeping an eye on the lucidity,
wishing to mimic its sense of peace -
of identity.

Then, I begin to pace.
And pace.
And pace...

only to find you doing the same,
sleep an unnecessary luxury.
Eventually, I stop walking the
perimeter of the building, hoping you
will eventually stop and see me.

And, you do.

Is it selfish of me to want someone to
acknowledge the tears before they fall?
Before desolate thoughts crystalize?
To wish for someone to lean against me
for support, without uttering a single word?

I was asked the other day if my new
home finally felt less lonely,
and I realized that I used the wrong word.

I'm not lonely;
I'm alone,
and somehow, the difference matters,
causing feet to stagger,
a mind to spiral.

I don't need someone like you
to feel like I belong.

I just want to be heard
when my mind tries to drown me,
when I have nothing to offer up
but silence,

and you somehow accept that,
and accept me.

_________________________

Written while listening to "Oh My Dear" by Tenth Avenue North, a song I recently found again that used to give me a great deal of comfort:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X06soMH92HU

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Latest Comments

  • 1 week ago

    by Everlasting

    Sorry, this line got me and distracted me from the point of the poem.

    “ sleep an unnecessary luxury.”

    - sleep definitely is a luxury but it is so necessary. It’s a need! Lol without it, our health becomes compromised. Some need more of it than others. Sleep is a necessity… it’s a luxury that everyone should be able to afford but after all it’s a luxury so it can be too taxing and expensive for some… making it unaffordable.

    aside from that…

    Feeling lonely is one thing, being alone and not feeling lonely is another… being alone and feeling lonely sucks… the poem actually leans more towards being alone and feeling lonely though even when it tries to say otherwise. I read it more as a wake up call. Something like “hey, this is how things are going and how I’m feeling but no… this is not what it is”.

    I could also be reading it like that due to still thinking about the meaning of the two words “unnecessary luxury”. I’ll come back to read it another day.

    Elliot, it’s always good to read poems from you. Thank you for sharing .

  • 1 week ago

    by Mr Rhee

    The stanza beginning with "I'm not lonely." That's the key to this whole write. A very strong piece. Nicely done.