My Cry For Help

As I sit here trying not to cry
I hold my head to stop the images appearing
I hurt so much

Should I take the kitchen knife?
No, no I must not
Damn it...I gotta get it!

As I walk slowly to the kitchen
And open the drawer
I pull out a steak knife

Staring at it
I wonder if it would help
I know it should

I scream,
I dropped the knife
The pressure inside me rises

I keep feeling hotter
As my thoughts grow unbearable
I see what I don’t want to

I cannot breakaway
I fall to my knees
I am getting weak

I grab the knife and stare at it
I trace the sharpness
With my finger

What the hell am I doing?
I cannot do this again
Someone will see...

I can’t hold back my tears anymore
They fall down loudly
I hope no one hears them

God, please make the pain stop
He does not hear my plea
B/c the pain only worsens

Every memory I have
Passes through me
My wounds are reopened

I feel all the pain
Coming back to me
Except now in all situations

Am I going insane?
Can you relate to this?
Someone, anyone, help me!