Broken Toy

by A l y s s a   Jan 24, 2008


Once you were brand new.
A new and exciting toy.
I'll admit I loved to take you out.
We'd play together day & night.

But things don't stay new forever.
The excitement faded & you became dull.
I wanted more, you no longer satisfied.
So I put you where I put the others.

Now you're just an old toy in the back of my closet.
Nothing but a faded memory.
The photos won't bring back the joys that we had.
Neither will the tears.

You're nothing but a broken toy.
Loved, used & forgotten.
So stop looking back, with desire at the past.
Pick yourself up, for the past isn't coming back.

We were good, we were great together.
But you need to realise that era is over.
We tried it out, we played that game.
But in the end we both ended up losing.

A tarnished toy in the corner of my cupboard is where you'll stay.
Apologies may get you respect but never love.
I have no love to waste on broken toys.
I've moved on, I've upped my standards.

I see the glow of your eyes from the dark of my closet.
Forlorn & tired, wanting me to take you up again.
I can't take you back, I still remember the pain of losing you.
My heart hasn't forgotten the day that it put you in the back of my closet.

-- NOT FINISHED --

It's really rough (as you can tell) but please give me some feedback. That'd be appreciated :)

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  • 16 years ago

    by Michelle18

    This is really good... and once again i felt like it was me talking about my ex..

    the flow was off a little ..that was only because some of your lines were a bit long.. you might want to touch it up a bit.

    but overall its a great poem.5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Lemma

    This is a really really clever poem, I especially loved the lines:

    "We tried it out, we played that game.
    But in the end we both ended up losing."

    Only after the second time I read it did I pick up on the connection between the toy theme and the word "game" I think I'm having a bit of a slow day today haha. I really like the idea of this poem and although it could do with a little tidying up, it doesn't need a lot of change at all. Really love the image of the eyes glowing from the dark closet aswell. Spooky.

    5/5

    Em xXx

  • 16 years ago

    by SH3S fiNAllY H3R3 l0V3 U N3NA

    It's actually a good poem. I really liked it a lot. I know what this feels because I've done this to some of my old toys. Except, maybe you should put this on another place instead of "LOVE." Maybe put them in the "SAD" section. I loved it though!

    .:CiNdY:.

  • 16 years ago

    by FlawlesslyTarnished

    Antoher great piece. it was unique and the structure of this piece is great too. the flow was good and this was a very nicely written piece. the imagery and the emotions are outstanding and mind blowing! lol. .even for an unfinished poem, the ending was like -:O ah-mazing- :] 5/5.

  • 16 years ago

    by Emilline

    Wow! thats really good! it sounds almost done to me! i loved it! maybe its just me but i took the poem as one giant metaphor, maybe thats not how you ment to write, but i really loved it! Greath job though, flows wonderfully!

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