Lonely Mountain

by silvershoes   Mar 1, 2012


It snows down lonely mountain.
Somehow the wind has brought me here.

I try to move, but I cannot.

There spins a heavy ball inside me,
below the chest,
above the navel,
constrained by neither heart nor lung.

It grows with every inhaled breath.
It grows with steps I almost take.
It's made of all things bad and lost;
things broken, cold, forgotten.

It keeps my feet from treading up,
to brave the frosted giant.

It keeps my path from turning back,
for nothing back is left.

It keeps me still as Death, itself,
a leafless tree, long standing.

The force that spins inside the ball
that spins inside my weighted soul
will grow and grow
until rocks have melted,
and all that's left is ice.

Somehow the wind has brought me here,
with nowhere else to go.
It snows down lonely mountain,
but why, I do not know.

5


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Latest Comments

  • 2 years ago

    by JaneDoeWrites

    The "lonely mountain" you use here reminds me so much of Lord of the Rings, but your play on the word lonely drags the reader so much deeper.

    While reading, I pictured this weighted ball you described spinning furiously inside of you, churning anxiousness within you, so unstoppable. It enforces the writers feeling of helplessness. Visually, this is a stunning piece. Emotionally, this is a heart-wrenching one.

    The weight we all carry within ourselves makes it harder and harder to walk on, put one foot in front of the other. And you aren't sure why you were lead to take such a difficult path in your life. The wintry feel you've placed here implies the readers surrender to this emotion, how it's overtaken them. I like how the end is really just suspended with unanswered questions...

    Fantastic write.

  • 2 years ago

    by Naughtymouse

    Along time ago Nana and I were talking about our favourite writes on PnQ and she named this one and one of her all time favourites, after I read it it was easy to see why and so I added it to my own favourites. I've read this piece so many times now i could probably recite it lol

    The way you describe those feelings of the thought of being lonely and how loneliness can be percieved is just epic. I know this is written from a womans point of view but it translates to every one, for me this poem signifies not only what the poem is about but how we as writers use language and imagery to say what we wanna say.

    An earth shattering piece of writing, really i can't say enough about it.

  • 3 years ago

    by Rania Moallem

    That moment when you are walking back home, long way, and you remember a sad poem you once read, written by someone you don't really really know, but still know-in a way or another.

    And feel like I aught to read TONIGHT, and here I am :)

    one of your most touching. loved reading it again, if it wasn't for the mountain title, I doubt I would have found it that fast.

  • 4 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    The title is just a title and the write paints something more, something deeper where sadness just reaches into the depths of a heart.
    Very nicely penned...take care.

  • 5 years ago

    by Nema

    I Thank you for using such a title :) it conveys an image of a symbol of the utmost strength and power.

    "Rocks melt". Really? That's new! :) You gave proof that the toughest things in life could break, in a poem. That is a brilliant idea.

    Great write! :)
    Shine on~

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