An antique is anything over 50 ~ that makes me a seasoned antique with a shiny silver coat!

Life is not like a box o'chocolates...
No, it reminds me more of a jar of jelly beans...
Those ones that look so good then taste like grass or vommit...that\\\'s how life is..all glitter and glitz covering up a fat piece of shite!

Giving head is a stupid idea......they never get any smarter

Pick up lines are like head lines
stupid and don't make sence

Women are like telephones
we like to be held
we like to be talk to
but if you push the wrong button
you'll be disconected!!!!

Golf and sex are the only two things you can do without having to be good at them.

You never no weather to laf or cry when your boyfriend dumps ya..

When life gives you lemons use the lemon juice and squeeze it in the eyes of your enimies!

Have you ever wondered if a scratch and sniff sticker works under water?
Well... It doesnt...

Families are like fudge. Mostly sweet with a few nuts.