Is cheese a carb?

Dats why ya momma can't cook!!

Hug a hater

slap a ho.

"hey does ur face still hurt?\\\" lol

Put A Condom On Your Ear And Screw What You Hear.

Sometime i'd like to be a glow worm, because a glow worms never glum. Its hard to be downhearted when the sun shines out your bum!

Arguments with my wife tend to end with her feeling that she is ulitmately right. Which is odd because they end with me feeling that too: that she's right. That can't be right.

Your my best friend.

when you cry, I cry.
When your hurt, I'm hurt
When you fight, I'll fight
When you fall off a bridge and into the water, I'll get a paddle boat and save your retarted ass

Compliments don't count if they're wasted.

'Learn to laugh at your troubles,and you'll never run out of things to laugh at'

Kids when life throws a lemon at you don't make lemonade, you don't know where the hell that lemon's been.