I'm like mom please don't blame it on me
i got my bad habits from
you, dad, and aunt steve
-im awesome

"In the beginning the universe was created. This made a lot of people angry and has been widely regarded as a 'bad move'".

DHL - Deliver Halfway Lost.

LOL.

What would your perfect day look like?
--going thru the day without using my ak

15 minutes into lecture and 3 pages of notes later, he says "wait, let me start over"

I wish i knew what he was talking about without being critisized for not having a phD

Walking in the shopping centre,
We saw this dull looking COUPLE.

Friend: Aww look emo love!
[Both of us,'AWWWWW']
Me: Wait.. And their still EMO?!

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer

People say when life hands you lemons you make lemon aide but i say when life hands you lemons you squeeze the juice in someones eyes and point and laugh while they roll around in pain

2 guys arguing about something, ones white and ones black:
w.guy:no thats not the way i wanna do it
b.guy: the president is black, ILL tell YOU how we're gonna do it