I just took a crap so big it could fill the hole in the o zone layer

Sometimes monkey throw poo so be ready to dodge.

Brunettes have more fun.

I wish my lawn mower was emo, so it would cut itself

Hey if I hadnt of killed him he woulda died at the hands of a murderer

The person smiling when something's gone wrong has found somebody else to blame.

~ Only you can make choices in your life......Everyone else is just there to laugh as you make bad ones. ~

Whenever i have a problem i think. "what would Chuck Norris do?"

If you're gonna be two-faced,Honey at least make one of them pretty!

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.