I heard that the tinner you are, the crankier you are. I must be thinner in the morning

The most intelligent thing I've ever heard anyone say:

"Jeez, my thong is giving me a wedgie..."

T.T

Life is what you make it, kinda like play-doh

Sticks and stone may break my bones but whips and chains excite me, so throw me down and tie me up and show me that you like me!!!
(not mine)

Roses are red
violets are blue
God made me beautifull
wtf happened to you

If you have a gun and you ask, "can I ask you a question?" and they say "fire away" should you shoot them?

Sex Is Like McDonalds, I'm Lovin It!
D**k Is Like Burger King, Have It Your Way!
N Pu**y Is Like Pringles, Once You Pop You Cant Stop

In my life the PLAYERS change but the GAME alwayz satys the SAME!

How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

I lost 10 pounds, but don't worry, I found it again.