Kids in the front seat cause accidents,
Accidents in the backseat cause kids.

Me: *smoking*
Child: -sneaking up behind me - Smoking is dirty.
Me: So are rude children.
Child: It'll kill you.
Me: So will talking to strangers... You can go away now.

True story! It just happened Friday night! :P

In a world full of broken hearts,
Sexually transmitted diseases,
Stalkers,
Kid nappers,
Pedophiles,
War,
Cheaters,
Liars,
And back stabbers,
you're telling me to, "Have A Nice Day"?

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

No, I can't go to hell.
It has a restraining order

Always remember, when SHE cancels a date, she HAS TO.
But.... when HE cancels a date...... he HAS TWO.

-pinoy jokes-

I like dead end signs. They're kind. They at least have the decency to let you know you're going nowhere.
-Bugs Bunny

My girldfriend said, "I'm seeing another man." I said, "Well, try rubbing your eyes or something."

I'm Sorry, My Concience Called In Sick Again

We give flowers to the people we are supposed to like. "hey i like you. here are some flowers. now watch them die" If we gave them to the people we hate we could say"hey here are some flowers watch them die. Ur next"