Trust me, my life's goal is NOT to make you suffer. I swear. It's to laugh hysterically (and/or maniacally) at your expense, whether it be through bodily harm, Krispy Kreme donuts, or any other sort of kitchen utensil/appliance you can think of.

Math is emo, cuz, HELL no one can UNDERSTAND it.

Never argue with a stupid person...

They'll only drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience!

Every time I get the urge to exercise...
I lie down until it passes!

People like you are the reason we have a middle finger.

I found I scream the same way if a piece of seaweed touches my foot or I'm about to be eaten by a Great White.

"Choose Life.
...Death is so overated."

You know you're PMSing when you'd rather block everyone on your buddy list than just not sign on at all.

I am the person my parents warned me about.

I may be fat, but you're ugly - I can lose weight!