I live in my own little world, but it's alright cos everyone knows me here

I am the person my parents warned me about.

There's something about death that is comforting. The thought that you could die tommorrow frees you to appreciate life now.

Trust me, my life's goal is NOT to make you suffer. I swear. It's to laugh hysterically (and/or maniacally) at your expense, whether it be through bodily harm, Krispy Kreme donuts, or any other sort of kitchen utensil/appliance you can think of.

Even in the dark, somebody is able to find your last nerve.

You know you're PMSing when you'd rather block everyone on your buddy list than just not sign on at all.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

I may be fat, but you're ugly - I can lose weight!

I love you is 8 letters long...
But then again, so is BULLSHIT.

ACTUAL HEADLiNE;;

TYPHOON RiPS THROUGH CEMETERY;; HUNDREDS DEAD

(FUNNY)

-SHELBY :)