Life is like a box of condoms.. No matter which one you pick, your gonna get screwed..

“Was it you or your brother who was killed in the war?” -- Reverend William Spooner.

When you start to feel like you arn't good at anything....remember: YOU WERE ONCE THE FASTEST SPERM IN THE BUNCH (lolz)

What do a bungee jump and a hooker have in common?
They're both cheap, fast and if the rubber breaks your dead!

I hope life isn't a joke, because I don't get it!

Penguins are taking over the world and lammas are going to save us.... my friends kat told me that

Roses are red violets are blue
AIDS are spreading so watch who you SCREW!

People like you are the reason that people like me need medication.

Chocolate is cheaper than therapy and you don't need an appointment.

If life has given you lemons
find some 1 that life has given tequila
and have a party

-ron white