I went into Gus'es artificial organ and taco stand, said, "Give me a bladder por favor."
The guy said "Is that to go?"
I said, "Well, what else would I want it for?"

Girls who take steroids can't have kids. It messes them up, and makes it impossible. Plus, they're not the best looking things in the world.

I saw this girl... And she obviously didn't shave her pits. I mean, man, it was like a jungle. Imagine when she sweats? She could just ring it out. "What Timmy? You're thristy? Come here. Save some for the cat."

I'm a great lover, I'll bet.

I hate it when people tell me so-and-so is so-and-so spelled backwards. I really don't care. It's not like I'm going to be writing something then say "Wait.. What if someone wants to read this looking in a mirror".

I'm always right! One time I thought I was wrong, but I was wrong..

I'd hit that. What? Oh when I said I'd hit that I meant with my car!

**from my dad**

When i get my pet camel im going to teach it a trick. Its going to learn how to swallow, not spit!

Remember when you went to sleep as a kid and mommy kissed you goodnight? Ever wonder if she just got done giving daddy a blow job? You do now.

A blunt a day keeps the stress away! :D