I was the best man in the wedding, if I'm the best man why is she marrying him?

My husband and I were happy for 20 years then we met

I couldn't repair the brake so I made the horn louder

I though I wanted a career turns out I just wanted a paycheck

If you die in a elevator be sure to hit the up button

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy sumthing

Hard work will pay off later laziness pays off now

What is a free gift aint all gifts free?

Have a cough, go home tonight eat a whole lot of ex-lax and tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough

I havent reported my credit cards to the police , becuz whoever stole them is spending less money than my wife