Wat happens in the mile stays in the mile

It puts the lotion on it's skin,
or else it gets the hose again.

^freaking funny.

I just do what I want.
It's not about what people are saying
It's about me.
Everyone else can F**K off.

If time is measured in seconds, then what came first?

This is an away message... you use it when your away

What's the opposite of opposite?

Please, god if you cant make me thin make my friends fat!

There once was a man from fondu who fell alseep in a canoe he dreamed of venus and played with his penis and woke up with a hang of goo....

Watching a sober person trying to act drunk to their friends is almost as funny as watching a drunk person try to act sober to their parents.

U remember that time wen i said shut-up and u were so shocked ur mouth was open but nothing was coming out so it made me happy ...... damn i miss that