I have balls of iron steel ... tap tap... oh shit they crumbled =[

Why don't you just open your mind and shut your mouth, both are empty anyway

Somebody said to me that you ain't fit to sleep with the pigs. Well, I stuck up for the pigs.

You sure do have a lot of Well-wishers. They'd all like to throw you down one...

Well... you're the most depressing thing since the Crucifixion...

(I actually say this to people)

I am a virgin... I have not made love to a man, a woman, or a chicken.

(This actually occurred with my friend's uncle...)

Officer : Sir, can you please step out of the car.
Man : Officer, can you please step INTO this car?

Everyone says we're like the girls next door.
you all must have really weird neighbors

This was a convo. between me & my sisters bf. while i was talking 2 much.
him: shh. u hear that?
me: hear what?
him: exactly. shut up!

The only thing worse than being alone is being with you!