I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse

no offense to anyone just thought it was funny (not directed towards anyone!)

'looking for a woman is like looking for a car..its all about the headlights and the rear view'

-my ol' irish strict grandad said this at the question 'what do you find most attractive in women?' shocked the crap of us all..hehe good stuff

You cry, I cry. You hurt, I hurt. You fight, I fight. You jump off of a bridge, I get a paddle boat and save your retarded a**!

So you know the speed of light, right?
so what's the speed of dark?
-canyon from my book-

I often want to drown my sorrows, but i can't get my husband to go swimming.

Do you know karate cause your body is kickin

" i don't need to be careful, i have a gun!"
Homer Simpson

I swear it! The liqor is addicted to ME!!!!

True friends stab you in the front.

For sale: FRESH, ARTIFICIAL FLOWERS!