I couldnt come into work today... the voices in my head told me to stay at home and polish my axe...

Do [vegetarian's] eat [animal] crackers?? =/

WHEN THE VERY FIRST MAN DISCOVERED THAT COWS HAVE MILK... WHAT DO YOU THINK HE WAS DOING??

If they say TV's so bad for you then why do they have one in every hospital room?

The more you study, the more you know. The more you know, the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know. So why study?

Did you know that Welch's says their juice is 100% real juice! But one of their flavored juices is banana! How the hell do you get juice out of a banana?

Homework: (Noun) a punishment given to students by evil teachers after the students have already put in 7 hours of hard labor. (See evil, torture, wrong, cruel, unjust, satan, crap)

If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?

Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?

Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"?