"We need to start feeling each other more. This is our first time together."
-Danny to Robert

(A card game of "Square" gone horribly wrong...)

When Life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Then sell it back to Life for triple the price.

My roomate's insane. One day I walked into the room and saw him lying on the floor, rubbing his head and moaning. I asked him what happened and he said that he fell. I looked up to see a pair of shoes glued to the ceiling...

*not mine*

It's not my fault! The voices MADE me do it!

IM THE TYPE OF GIRL...
that will burst out laughing in dead silence
because of something that happened...
yesterday

Why do church people say "A-man"
instead of "A-woman"

the same reason why we sing hyphms instead of hers

STOP THE WORLD!!! i want to get off!!

You’re one pancake short of a stack.

Have you considered suing your brain for non-support?

If you think I like you for your personality, you've lost it.