Why do little kids love Santa? They should be AFRAID of him! Think about it! Wouldn't you be scared if you thought an old, fat guy with an oversized gym bag could break into your house?! I would!

~my sister & I were talking about this

We have just witnessed a classic example of what I like to call 'misdirected rage'. I beleive the technical term is 'being an ass'.

~Fruits Basket

TEQUILA........HAVE YOU HUGGED YOUR TOILET LATELY

Cooking is ruled illegal in my kitchen - - violators must eat a meal cooked by me!

...........I'm sorry, I was too amazed by your stupidity to say anything.

"They're all doing it!"

"I don't like this finger game!"

"We need to start feeling each other more. This is our first time together."
-Danny to Robert

(A card game of "Square" gone horribly wrong...)

When Life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Then sell it back to Life for triple the price.

My roomate's insane. One day I walked into the room and saw him lying on the floor, rubbing his head and moaning. I asked him what happened and he said that he fell. I looked up to see a pair of shoes glued to the ceiling...

*not mine*