I know that you only get what you pay for, I just wish that I was not a big cheap scape so I could someday have something nice

Im no coward dad,
I have a "flight and don't fight" response,
blame in on genetics

Any woman who thinks the way to a man's heart is through his stomach is aiming about 10 inches too high.

"in italy women are more dangerous than shotguns"
- The Godfather

"Sorry, bad foist impression"

Hows about you shut up and next time i posses you I wont pour hot coffee down your pants!

An anonymous person once wrote: "Write a wise saying and your name will live forever." That's kind of ironic because they didn't even give credit to themselves for writing it.

Friend: I'm celibate.
Me: Really!?
Friend: Yeah, I sell a bit and give some away.
A friend said this to me, it was so funny.

Sweetie, I think you may have missed a spot. You may need to re-scan your face and do photoshop again.

Is that your face, or did your neck throw up?!