The only mark ive made in life...

is in my underwear.

I never make mistakes

i thought i did once...
but i was mistaken

Santa is really your fat male neighbor

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail... But, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying,
"Damn...that was fun!!"

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is!

"Stop getting all up in my kool-aid!!"

Donde esta Senor Sexy?

Billy the Homocidal Smurf

Yo mama is a lama and she smells like cheese

Two Lovers plan to commit suicide.
Boy jumped first, Girl closed her eyes and returned back saying.. "love is blind"
Boy in mid-air opened his parachute saying "love never dies.."