I love you like waffles on syrup.

Pumpkin Head is the coolest.
He'll devower you in your sleep,
then bury your carcus in the garden.

How Did Pinnochio Find Out He Was Made Of Wood?
His Hand Caught Fire

Why Do Golfers Have Two Pairs Of Pants?
In Case They Get A Hole In One
Why Was The Washing Machine Laughing?
It Wasd Takin The Piss Outta The Knickers

You call me fat.
I call you ugly.
But you know what..i can lose weight.

3 rights = a left - 3 ups = a stroll - 3 lefts, 2 rights, 1 up and 7 downs = disoriented

"never kick a turd on a warm day"
-mom

&& there the kind of friends. that if my house was on fire. theyd be sitting making smores. and hitting on the fireman.

Im not reatarded i just like licking windows

I'll be there at exactly 2:07 am to haunt your dreams...

Only people who can read should buy jelly.

But...

People who can't read shouldn't be deprived of gelatinous goodness.