When life gives you lemons...make grape juice...then sit back and wonder how you got grape juice

I called your brother fat and he through a pie at me.

Wen u are blue a true friend would help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad

Men r like parking spaces- all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped

A good friend will come bail you out of jail...but a best friend would be sitting next to you saying, "damn! we f**ked up!!!!!"

Save a board, ride a sk8er

This is bob
bob likes you
bob likes sharp things
i suggest you run from bob

My mom says i cant play with ugly people

My hearts broke, so I need to borrow some ducktape.

::teacher says::
john can you work this dang tv?

::john says:: i can work anything with legs