Last night i dreamt i was swimming with my clothes on, then i woke up covered in pee!!

See my fist, hear your lies, tell anymore and you'll get a surprise!!

Shhhhh....can't talk now the squirrels are watching

Thank drunk im not god!!!

Can I drive your stick or should I be the passenger?

So im in dis careers expo rite, d lawyer says summunt bout a analogy, he den asks if we know what a analogy was... I reply loud enough for the whole hall to hear "You suck like a w h o r e" he says, "yes, thats correct"

Its Thanksgiving...so u better be giving thanx for him giving!!!

Two words guys hate the worst are "DONT" and "STOP" but if you put them together then guys love those words! ;-)

If you think sex hurts, then your doing it the wrong way.

I made u a cookie.....but I ate it...hehe lol