The thing I like about escalators is that they can never be out of order, they can only be temperarily stairs.
-Mitch Hedberg

Your momas so fat
she don't skinny dip
she chunk-a-dunk...

omg the first time i heard that it was fukin hillarious

"Oh really? Well how many brownies and cupcakes did you have?" "Two! Only Two Brownies!" "Why are you laughing?" "Because I had, like, eight cupcakes."

1 2 were cummin for u
3 4 better lock ur door
5 6 its the crucifix
7 8 dont stay up late
9 10 were gunna kill jen

jen is this b***h in my class, err i wish i could kill her.

-Daddy, what's a rack?

-it's a country and now shut up kid!

It takes two to tango, but it only takes one to fall and break the other's ankle!

Sorry I couldn't make it there was a power failure, I'm stuck on the escalator!

If I had a dime for every single person that said the word "I" in a sentence...I'd be the richest rich person in the entire universe!!

A misunderstanding is when the person is not listening to you at all!

If you can't sing good or you can't sing a good song than don't sing at all!!!