HER: "Wow he looks like he got beat with an ugly stick"
HIM: "No he got beat with the whole damn tree"

HER: "Your a w.hore"
HIM: " Yea, but im an expensive w.hore, i cost $15,000 American, you cant afford me Betch"

*another infamous line by Mr. Maison

Sorry, i just pucked in my mouth a little bit

Hey Buddy......i have a boyfriend and only he can grab my ass

Two whales were swimming and saw a boat

so they go and blow bubbles under the boat

After the whale said to eat the sailors

the girl whale said no, i did the blow job but i refuse to eat the sea men

*from a joke book*

I dont care if you lick windows, ride the slow bus,or pee pee on yourself. you just hang in there gurl because you're special

Screwdriver- "Looks like your not the sharpest tool in the shed"
Hammer- "It's alright; I nailed your wife."

Clever comments from inanimate objects.

TEEN PREGNANCY:
"I hope it's a puppy..."

thanx Melissa-not-cat

I forgot the baby Jesus, but I have a plate of cheeses!

"A teddy bear stuffed with cotton candy and rainbows." - How I Met Your Mother (Lilly)