I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet

They say the pen is mightier then the sword.. But I bet they never noticed, it's considerably easier to write with as well.

When everything's coming your way, I think you might be in the wrong lane.

The other day, I shot an emu in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I'll never know..

New York's such a wonderful city. Although I was at the library today. The guys are very rude. I said, "I'd like a card." He says, "You have to prove you're a citizen of New York." So I stabbed him."

I had a dream last night... I was eating a huge marshmellow.. When I woke up, my pillow was gone.....

Laughter:
When a smile as an orgasm :]

Canadaman rulez

I like listening to music in class. The only problem is, I have old school crappy headphones. They're ginormus. Today the teacher asked me "Am I stupid, or are you listening to your music.?"
"Ah, both.."

I like it when people are like "don't label me!" I like chasing them around with label-makers. And they yell "Nooo!". What? That's what they're for.