Never do anything you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedic.

When the very first man discovered that cows give milk, what was he doing?

You don't have to be faster then the bear, you just have to be faster then the slowest guy running from the bear.

AAAH! I hate rubic cubes
they're evil!!
I can never get it. A waste of time. but then I realized...
THE COLOURS WERE SWITCHED!!!

Yo momma so fat every time she passes by, you miss 5 t.v. shows.
Kid: MOM!!
5 t.v. shows later
mom: you want me to move? ok.

Kid: (-_-*)<--annoyed face

Yo momma so fat it takes her three years to turn around.
one..........................
two..........................
look, cookies!!
one........................
two........................
whoops. gotta go pot--tie!

IM GUNNA ROLL U
ROLL U LIKE A BLUNT

It was when i sat back and looked at the stars i began to wonder...
WHERE THE HELL IS MY ROOF!

You might've heard I roll with a dangerous crowd. We're crazy, we laugh a little too loud. But that never hurt anyone, because only the good die young.

If I'm lying, wouldn't my pants be on fire?