You don't have to be faster then the bear, you just have to be faster then the slowest guy running from the bear.

AAAH! I hate rubic cubes
they're evil!!
I can never get it. A waste of time. but then I realized...
THE COLOURS WERE SWITCHED!!!

Yo momma so fat every time she passes by, you miss 5 t.v. shows.
Kid: MOM!!
5 t.v. shows later
mom: you want me to move? ok.

Kid: (-_-*)<--annoyed face

Yo momma so fat it takes her three years to turn around.
one..........................
two..........................
look, cookies!!
one........................
two........................
whoops. gotta go pot--tie!

IM GUNNA ROLL U
ROLL U LIKE A BLUNT

It was when i sat back and looked at the stars i began to wonder...
WHERE THE HELL IS MY ROOF!

You might've heard I roll with a dangerous crowd. We're crazy, we laugh a little too loud. But that never hurt anyone, because only the good die young.

If I'm lying, wouldn't my pants be on fire?

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.