May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person that screws up your entire day, and may their arms be too short to scratch!

ok, no i didn't write this, i got it in an email and thought it was hilarious.

He who laughs last... doesn't get it.

When your feeling down,
And you have a big frown
Come see the clown.
Thats me!

I used to be nice and clean now i smell of vaseline

"practice makes perfect, but no one is perfect so why practice?"

Sorry teach, my knowledge drained out with my snot.

*for those who are sick. my friend made this up.*

"No-one's a virgin life screws everyone!"

"You're my friend, Sara, but we just don't fight enough to be best friends."

"I already know about sex, but could you explain where Beanie Babies come from?"

Human existence -- a cellphone:
Callwaiting - office hours & required meetings that drag on & have bad music. Like akward silence in elevators.
Roaming minutes are the quivalent of petroleum prices.
Now both with insurance plans.