Human existence -- a cellphone:
Callwaiting - office hours & required meetings that drag on & have bad music. Like akward silence in elevators.
Roaming minutes are the quivalent of petroleum prices.
Now both with insurance plans.

"I already know about sex, but could you explain where Beanie Babies come from?"

"You're my friend, Sara, but we just don't fight enough to be best friends."

Did you know theirs a book that shows you how to read a book

Man=Lets dig here
Man1=Wait, how are we going to get out of here?
Man=Lets dig are way out
Man2=No no stupid, dig up

~Don't judge the fact that I'm prettier than you!!!~

It's okay to talk to your self, not until you get answers

I used to be nice and clean now i smell of vaseline

"practice makes perfect, but no one is perfect so why practice?"

Sorry teach, my knowledge drained out with my snot.

*for those who are sick. my friend made this up.*