Love me ore leave me. Hey! Where's everybody going??

Hello.
I am the Happiness Fairy.
I've sprinkled happy dust on you.
So smile dammit!
This sh*t is expensive!

Things never to say to a cop
-no u assume the position
- ur not gonna check the trunk r u?
-ur eyes look a lil glazed have u been eating doughnuts?
-i swear to drunk occifer im not god

Life is a retarded peice of crap.

I like to go to the playgroud and watch the little children yell and jump up and down. They don't know I'm only firing blanks.

The man who smiles when it goes wrong
Has thought of someone to blame it on!

Have you ever layed on your bed... And looked up at the stars and wonder to yourself... Where the Hell is the roof...?

People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. One guy took the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine.

I find it hard to leave people behind.. But harder to leave them forward... You could bump into them.

What? You don't get it? Yeah, me neither.

Did you ever notice how people sometimes say "It's funny because it's true?" The truth isn't always funny. Say you're morbidly obese, and I start laughing and calling you fat? What? It's funny, because it's true!