Things never to say to a cop
-no u assume the position
- ur not gonna check the trunk r u?
-ur eyes look a lil glazed have u been eating doughnuts?
-i swear to drunk occifer im not god

Ha ha ha he fell cause he was being a smart ass

Never do anything you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedic.

Friends will ALWAYS say:
'you deserve better anyway'
. . .
Best friends wil prank him saying:
'you'll die in seven days!'

I saw you today and couldnt help but laugh

I wish my lawn was emo so it would cut itself!

Tell your pants it's not nice to point

The early bird gets the worm

but the second mouse gets the cheese

Mary had a little lamb...The doctor had a heart attack.

I find it hard to leave people behind.. But harder to leave them forward... You could bump into them.

What? You don't get it? Yeah, me neither.