If one night
A fat man comes
And stuffs you in a bag
... do not freak.
I told Santa
I wanted you for Christmas.

The Good: Your wife is pregnant.

The Bad: With Triplets.

The Ugly: You got a vissectomy five years ago.

Hello.
I am the Happiness Fairy.
I've sprinkled happy dust on you.
So smile dammit!
This sh*t is expensive!

Hi, I'm Skittles, wanna taste my rainbow?

Chocolate, Strawberrys and vodka mmmm sounds like sex to me...

We had gay robbers last night. They broke in an rearranged the furniture.

The only reason guys are better than chololate is chocolate can't buy you more chocolate!

Sorry boys!! the only thing i blow are kisses

When a guy broke up with you
Friends would say
"You deserve better"
Best friends would call the boy and say
"You will die in seven days."

*saw on a site* funny

Did u know touching someone is sexual outercourse

this is what health teacher said