"When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it
is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it?"

"It's not that i can't cook..i'm just microwave compatible"

Pudding.

Never trust any body with a clean desk
those proud of keeping an orderly desk never know the thrill of finding something they thought they had lost

Two words guys hate...dont and stop unless you put em together

I may be Dumb, but I'm not Stupid!

Some people are like slinkies, good for nothing but they make you smile when you push them down the stairs :)

Sticks and stones may break my bones but whips and chains excite me...so throw me down and tie me up and show me that you like me

THERAPY IS EXPENSIVE
POPPING BUBBLE WRAP IS CHEAP
YOU DECIDE

Men are like chocolate...you get them in bars, they go straight for your hips, and they never last long enough to satisfy you!