Your so stupid if I put your brain in a bird it would fly backwards!!

By: my mom

When you walk into a room, say goodbye instead of hello, it confuses a lot of people but its pretty damn funny

Gargling twice a day is a good way to see if your throat leaks.

Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what your up to

Roses are red,violets are blue.
when god made brains, where the hell were you.

U remember that time wen i said shut-up and u were so shocked ur mouth was open but nothing was coming out so it made me happy ...... damn i miss that

Watching a sober person trying to act drunk to their friends is almost as funny as watching a drunk person try to act sober to their parents.

Whatever Floats Your Boat
Sinks My Ship
:]]

She said are you flippin' me?!
i said "like a pancake biitch."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I Don't Get It...