Women Make Everything Better..
Give Her Sperm, She'll Make You A Baby..
Give Her A House, She'll Make You A Home..
Give Her Food, She'll Make You A Meal..
&& Give Her Crap, She'll Give You A Bunch Of Shit xP

What? What the F**k! Ur watching Hannah Mon F**kin Tana?

i said this when my friend started watchin that show when she knows i hate it lol

Screwdriver- "Looks like your not the sharpest tool in the shed"
Hammer- "It's alright; I nailed your wife."

Clever comments from inanimate objects.

Two whales were swimming and saw a boat

so they go and blow bubbles under the boat

After the whale said to eat the sailors

the girl whale said no, i did the blow job but i refuse to eat the sea men

*from a joke book*

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

I accidentally rear ended a car at a stoplight.
The driver, a midget, got out and yelled at me, "I'm not happy"
I leaned down and replied, "Well then, which one are you?"

We had gay burglars break into our house last night...
They rearranged our furniture..

Few women admit their age
few men act theirs

I saw cards that said "get well soon"
.. F**K that! Get well now

demitri martin

Friend: "Have You Seen My Acid?"
Me: "F**k Your Acid, Have You Seen The Dinosaur In The Kitchen?"