My friends are the type of friends that get run over by parked cars.

HERE LIES THE BODY OF MARY LEE,...

WHO DIED AT THE AGE OF A HUNDRED AND THREE,...

FOR FIFTEEN YEARS SHE KEPT HER VIRGINITY,...

NOT A BAD RECORD FOR THIS VICINITY!

Anyone can frighten people,
But it takes real talent to get a restraining order.

If you don't like gay marriage,
Blame straight people.
They're the ones who keep having gay babies.

Wouldn't it be ironic to die in the living room?

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|Trojan CONDOMS | '|""";.., ___.
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You're a walking oxymoron...You can be a smart ass, and a dumbass..at the same time.

Roses are red violets are blue sugar is sweet and so are you. but the roses are wilting the violets are dead the sugar bowls empty and so is your head.

I'm not short damn it...... I'm just, vertically challenged

What do you call a prostatute with her hands down her pants...........

SELF-EMPLOYED
I think it's funny....