B-is for beautifull
I-is for intelegance
T-is for talented
C-is for charming
H-is for how hard i would hit you for
calling me B****!!!!!!!!!!!

Im too tierd to slap you.....bash your face against my palm

Daughter:Mummy, whats the difference between a red and a white wine?

Mother: Well a red wine is more matured than a white wine.

pause..............

Daughter:....So girls are red wines and boys are white wines?

I noticed that my friends status said, "Stood on the edge of a cliff. About to jump". So I 'poked' her.

Why do we feel safe under the blankets?
It's not like a murderer will come in thinking, "I'm gonna ki..- ahh damn! She's under a blanket."

If the ocean were vodka and i were a duck
id swim to the bottom and drink my way up
but the oceans not vodka and im not a duck
so pass me the bottle and shut the f**k up

I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse...now I'm starting to wonder if he is really gay...

Today is the tomorrow you was worried bout yesterday

Any woman who thinks the way to a man's heart is through his stomach is aiming about 10 inches too high.

Wouldn't it be ironic to die in the living room?