I just kept humming to annoy the people around me
And wound up giving myself a headache.

Cookies as big as frisbees. Muffins the size of flower pots. Bowls of pasta so deep, your fork can barely find the bottom.

Don't tell me you're still wondering on where your diet went wrong.

I'm not random.
You just can't think as fast as me :)

Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

"If I had a "damn", what makes you think that I am obligated to "give" it?

I noticed that my friends status said, "Stood on the edge of a cliff. About to jump". So I 'poked' her.

You're dating my ex? Ohh.... that's cool... I'm eating this sandwich, you want those leftovers too?(;

Stressed backwards is desserts. Coincidence? i think not

I'm not short damn it...... I'm just, vertically challenged

Why do we feel safe under the blankets?
It's not like a murderer will come in thinking, "I'm gonna ki..- ahh damn! She's under a blanket."