Don't think of yourself as an ugly person, just a beautiful monkey!!=P

"Has the thought of firing a flare at a gas station ever crossed your mind?"

What's the difference between a drunk and a pothead?
A drunk drives through a stop sign.
A pothead waits for it to turn green.

"9 out of 10 Americans believe that out of the 10 people, 1 person will always disagree with the other 9"

-Said by Colin Mochrie during a game of Weird Newscasters.

"'No work included,' my ass!!"

I was standing in the park wondering why frisbees got bigger as they got closer then it hit me

God must love stupid people ... he made so many!!

|^^^^^^^^^^^^|
|SEXY TRUCK | '|""";.., ___.
|_..._...______===|= _|__|..., ] |
"(@ )'(@ )""""*|(@ )(@ )*****(@

(2 guys sitting in the bar, giving eachother a hard time)

guy 1: I slept with your mom!

guy2: what?

guy1: I slept with your mom!

guy2:Go home dad, your drunk.

Mean kid:so what you gonna do go cry to your mom cause i punched you

Nice kid:No

Mean kid:sure.

Nice kid:im serious im not..im gonna go cry to my dad..DAAAAAAADY!!